I'm &*%@!*# Sidney Crosby

Oh what it would be to be the most admired man in Canada at this very moment. The nation is going crazy in cheer-ridden, awe-stricken glory cheering for Sid the Kid. Voices around the nation are chanting 'Crosby, Crosby, Crosby!' in harmony. And beg my pardon, but I most certainly wish I were too...in the bedroom.


I'm *&*^$#)! Sidney Crosby. Not really. But when I fall asleep and close my eyes to dream a dream - like the rest of the female (and dare I say some of the male) population tonight - I just might be.

I'm wowed. And I have been since the puck that changed the score from 2-2 to 3-2 for Team Canada went past Miller. It all seems so surreal. So perfect. So cliche. You know those cheesy movies that boast a male lead character that women want to get with and men want to be. The living legend of said character is none other than the man of the hour, Crosby. A man who made our dreams come true on home ice. Who - in overtime - managed to take a beautiful shot, inviting the rest of the team to jump on him as their dreams too had been answered. So, as we sit, and honk, and scream our highly-pitched twentysomething voices off, somewhere out there is Mr. Crosby himself, in a God like state, celebrating in his own way.

I wonder what he is doing? Where he is? Does he feel the same intensity and adrenaline that we are all breathing? Is he on a plane now concerning himself about the race to the Stanley Cup and that goal is but a moment of his past? Does he know the peace and sense of unity he has brought upon so many of us, just by having another day on the job?

For the past five hours my thoughts have had the background track of constant horns, cheering, and sheer joy over a sport that unites us all. So as we bask and glow in all that Canada is, I thought now would be as an important time as ever to breach on the subject of The Puck Bunny. Yes you blonde, bronzed ladies out there. I'm breaking the ice on this topic of intrigue.

Puck bunny: a woman who hooks up with a hockey player, for no other reason than the fact that he is a hockey player. Hockey players have a notorious rap for having hot, blonde wives at home, who cheer them on when they are on home ice. But when they set off to different cities they tend to have girlfriends on the side (re: puck bunny's) who are perfectly ok with this arrangement. Think what a groupie is to a rockstar.

Hockey players: hot, fit men with rough-around-the-edges injuries that make them that much more masculine and sexy to us. They are admired by their city and have fans who would do anything for a simple autograph. And you get to bed the sucker. The appeal of a hockey player is definitely not tough to figure out. If he's a fighter - even better. There is nothing like watching the guy you're dating sweat it out on the ice, win his team the game and then go home to see just the same. Energy. Aggression. Sweat. Score.

But if you are going to tie up your skates and hop into the game, be sure to do it safely (morally and physically). Here are some tips:

- the younger the better. Hockey players tend to get married earlier than most. The younger he is, the less of a chance he has a wife (and family) at home. If you choose to entertain the puck bunny idea, don't involve other people.

- too young, not so great either. Last summer I was out at a supper club and I managed to catch the eye of an adorable blonde boy. Lucky him. A guy friend of mine came over and asked if he could take a picture of me and this guy, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes thinking my buddy wanted to make fun of me come morning. Then a promoter I knew came over and had his photographers take some images of us as well. It wasn't until someone came over congratulating him on winning the MVP award that I realized who it was. Needless to say - though I entertained it for but a second - I rejected this 19 year olds invite to go home with him, and drowned my cradle-robbing sorrows in a hot dog and a night cap. How fitting.


- come to terms with the nature of long distance. Since this guy is flying to a different city every other day, you need to feel ok with this schedule, and ok with the lifestyle he lives.

There are a number of famous blonde, bronzed, twentysomething celebrities who have dabbled in the hockey player pool. This includes (but isn't limited to): Elisha Cuthbert (both with Sean Avery and Dion Phinaef), Carrie Underwood, Hilary Duff, Kellie Pickler.







I'm going to sign off, doodle the initials "JC" on some paper, and hop into bed. Go Canada Go.

xoxoxo

- Mrs. Crosby

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

The book 'He's Just Not that Into You' was made into a movie for reason. And no, that reason wasn't because there weren't any more copies on book shelves (though I wouldn't be shocked if that were the case.) This blunt book and now movie is based on the concept that if you have to wonder whether the guy is into you or not, chances are, he's not.

Us ladies spend many a coffee dates and phone chats with our fellow scorned female friends, analyzing and obsessing over words said and/or texted, as we try to find meaning behind what the guy of our fancy really means and whether he ultimately likes us. I have spent countless hours with countless friends, studying every word, glance, and amount of ring tones the guy allowed before picking up the phone (if he picked it up at all) and it isn't pretty. So yes, the book is out there and the movie allows us to observe first hand how obvious a man's lack of actions are, however us daydreamers can't seem to stop making up excuses for so and so. So here I sit, in a state of bluntness, with a clear goal of getting this crucial message across.


Still wondering if the guy on your radar has you on his? Stop pulling the petals off a flower saying 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not' to see what the outcome is. Trust me, the flower - like magic 8 balls, and your friends - doesn't have the answer. However, I do and I'll make it nice and clear. Want to know if he's into you? Read on...


- If x messages you to make a set plan when sober, he loves you. If x message you drunkenly 'after hours', he loves you not.

- If x buys you a drink at the bar (and also waits outside the women's washroom for you as he holds your drink), he loves you. If x ignores you at the bar all night, then asks you to leave with him, he loves you not.

- If x answers your calls when you call him and responds to your text/pins right away (and also initiates communication), he loves you. If x never answers your calls and always lets them go to voicemail and doesn't respond to your text/pins for a couple days, he loves you not.

- If x says he wants to take you out for dinner and drinks and actually follows through, he loves you. If x says he wants to take you our for dinner and drinks and it never actually comes into fruition, he loves you not.

- If x messages you all the time and also hangs out with you, he loves you. If x messages you all the time but you never see each other in person, he loves you not.

- If x surprises you with something that you love like your Starbucks order or a bag of your favourite Jelly Belly's (aww he remembered!), he loves you. If x never surprises you or just brings you something that he likes, he loves you not.

- If x takes you out for a meal of food to a restaurant frequented by other people you guys know, he loves you. If x orders in food to his place or takes you to a random resto in the middle of nowhere, he loves you not.

- If x compliments you on something unique about your personality (especially something you view as a flaw) he loves you. If x compliments you on a body part or revealing clothing, he loves you not.

- If x is single and is spending time after work and on weekends with you, he loves you. If x is in a relationship with someone else and is still in talks with you, he loves you not.

- If x sends you emails with places or events that he thinks you'll like and then makes plans to go to them with you, he loves you. If x send you emails with places or events that he thinks you'll like and then just leaves it at that, he loves you not.

- If x brings you out with his friends, he loves you. If x's friends don't even know you exist and/or are unable to describe what you look like, he loves you not.

- If x takes off his jacket/scarf/mittens in the freezing cold because you are shivering (even if he is too), he loves you. If x doesn't even offer to warm you up, he loves you not.

- If x gives you a key to his place, he loves you. If x hasn't ever invited you over, he loves you not.

- If x tells you he wants to kiss you, then does, he loves you. If x tells you he wants to kiss your luscious lips, so you lean in and he pulls away, he loves you not.

- If x picks you up so you don't get your peep-toe ankle boots wet (and he doesn't ridicule you for wearing peep-toe shoes in the dead of winter), he loves you. If x makes you trek through the blizzardy snow foregoing a cab because he only lives four blocks away, he loves you not.

Despite reading this do you still think he may love you, when friends tell you he loves you not? Put down that flower and instead use your fingers to drop me a line at blondebronzedtwentysomething@hotmail.com and I'd be glad to help put your worrisome mind at ease.

- Jenny Jen

Go Canada Go

The ice glistens
It has just been cleaned
Wiping away the past
Preparing for the future
It solidly awaits the arrival
Twelve men, one motive

Only 5.5 ounces in weight, black in colour
It drops
Displaying the destiny of our country

Competition drips down their foreheads
Forming in precise, hopeful drops
Faster then their racing hearts,
Is the flow of their sharp blades
Zooming along the ice
Creating a soft, carving sound
Seldom heard over the cheering crowd
Who are as into the game
As the men on ice

Racing towards the puck, stick in hand
His job, reputation and country on the line
As his life flashes before his eyes
The puck is shot towards the net
Victory
Four men run toward him
Embracing in defeat

The crowd is overcome
Feeling championship in its purest sense
A goal fifty years in the making


The above was written in March 2002

- Jenny Jen

Confessions of a Soup Addict

'Kill me now,' I think as I pay way too much attention to my way too hurting throat. I've taken cough candies, tea, chicken soup, popsicles and advils (on occasion), with a side of sleep, and still, I feel just as viciously horrible as I did before I followed these 'old wives tales' orders of curing my pain. 'Poor me,' you think. And boy, do I conquer. Because although I try and find a quick fix, I know I have a good 5-7 days of having to put up with this. Oh, and that pinkishy i-don't-think-a-kleenex-convention-has-used-this-many-kleenex's-nose to boot. How sexy.

So aside from kvetching and whining (in a very unpleasant, almost scary, hoarse voice) I lay in bed and beg and plead to anyone that will listen to please help me feel better. I even logged onto my Facebook page and updated my status requesting Matzo Ball Soup and TLC to be had. I wanted it, I needed it. I went through an immense amount of my soup of choice in not so an immense of a time period (mere hours) and I got my dose of TLC and I still feel completely and utterly helpless.

My days of late tend to look as follows:

Wake up. Remember how sick I am. Feel bad for myself. Reach for the kettle currently placed on the night table to the right of my bed. Pour hot water in mug. Lay in bed. Get up and heat up chicken soup. Go back into bed. Ask someone else to heat up another bowl of soup. Finish it savouring each sip as if I were tasting the most amazing flavours known to man. Rest. Get all the way out of bed (the horror!) to heat up more soup. Realize it's done and get mad that the person who gave me my last bowl for not forewarning me it was my last. Google soup delivery. Wait by door in anticipation. Sleep. Repeat.

Not sure how healthy this new addiction of mine is, however, when I asked my doctor what I can take to ease my symptoms, she advised 'Matzo Ball Soup.'



Feeling as under-the-snowy-weather as I? Here is a list of the top 5 soups in the city:

5) Pusateri's Roasted Butternut Squash Soup. This soup is perfect for the bedridden girl, who wants to head to the supermarket, grab a soup on the go and head straight home to heat it up and crash. It comes in a glass jar and can be easily stored in your fridge. The soup is a bit thick, which means you'll definitely feel full after a bowl.

4) Studio Cafe's Sweet Onion Soup. Complete with chives and gruyere crouton, this soup lives up to the restaurant's five star rep, which is homed in the Four Seasons.

3) Barbarian's Frech Onion Soup. The steakhouse is no stranger to heavy on the flavour taste. This soup - though heavy - is as classic as they come, with thick mozzarella covering the bowl, you may not have any room for your medium-rare filet mignon.

2) Pickle Barrel's Matzo Ball Soup. With larger-than-life sized matzo balls, and that homemade chickeny flavour, it's no wonder this soup made it to number two.

1) Your bubbies Chicken Soup with Homemade Matzo Balls. If you just so happen to have a jewish grandmother who is still around, this will be - guaranteed - the best soup this city has to offer. So either get her to make you a whole pot (she'd be thrilled she could help in any way) or get her recipe and call in a favour to one of your besties. Oh and be sure to freeze any soup that you have left once said cold has been relieved. You can return the favour to your friend if the situation reverses.

Happy sniffling (insert eye roll and two coughs here).

- Jenny Jen

The Women's Washroom Chronicles

'Come with me to the washroom', we beg and plead with our female friend of choice, scared to take on the crowd and perhaps awkward run ins that may ensue. The friend of choice comes (after a good eye roll and a check in the nearest reflection.) We sigh and take in a breath of relief, with a knowingness that we are no longer alone. As we walk away into the mystical women's washroom, we are suddenly confronted with more than we were looking for.

Why is it, that all the drama is acted out in a room smaller then my walk-in closet? How is it - I ask - that we overhear way more then we asked for, when we were solely just responding to our way too obscenely, tiny bladders? The answer my friends; our fellow women. That's right. If a blonde, bronzed, twentysomething enters onto the set of a public washroom, drama is to be had. Note to my male readers: This is why we don't enter said scene alone.

You know those overly, typical teen movies where you hear a couple of catty bitches bashing up a storm, and then the camera closes up on the woman in the stall? Screw teen movies, there are even Sex and The City episodes where that situation is played out. Unfortunately, in regards to the women's washroom chronicles, you hear anything and everything. To the persons date, to their sex life, to their ex to their hatred for that hottie with a body who said but a mere hi to their man - girls in the washroom bring it on in every sense of the phrase.

I've walked in on the most obscure conversations. I've heard girls chastising their men for even glancing at a female friend. I've heard girls crying that so-and-so's ex has arrived at the bar. I've heard girls complaining that their tits are too small and their heart is too big. At the end of the day, I've decided to start using the men's facilities. Not only is the line up shorter, but I don't go home (breathing deeply) worrying about someone else's issues, nor do I go home feeling terrible about myself. I also get somewhat of a rise using the men's washroom. It's risque and it almost always guarantee's a deep-voiced bouncer knocking on the stall door and asking to please remove myself from the males washroom. Talk about a rush! Oh, and not to add, nothing beats - with but a glance of my YSL trib too's - my male friend's shouting out 'Jenny Jen, my girl. is that you?' when they notice the 4.5 inches peering out of the bottom of the only stall.

The women's washroom in any public setting is - in my hazel eyes - comparable to a confessional at a church. And as a predominantly happy and confident twentysomething, I'd rather hear no evil, see no evil.

So, as I sign off on this post, I have but a few reminders for my fellow female friends:

- never assume the person you are talking about isn't listening; life has a very interesting and backstabbing way of working out and more so then not, they are in fact in that singular stall next to you.

- don't say anything in a washroom that you wouldn't say in your facebook status, You never know who is listening and who is going to share this on a public domain. If what you have to say is personal and you want to get it off your chest, type it out in a Blackberry Note or text yourself. Once you've woken up in the morning, judge if you want to share it with a close friend to get their opinion.

- respond instead of react. Don't over exaggerate. Take any situation for what it is and look at it from an outsiders point of view. If you take time to respond and not listen to your bodies natural reactions, chances are, you'll feel much better (and make less of a fool of yourself) in the washroom.

- lastly, just go alone. As tempting as it is to invite a friend, flying solo will force you to keep your lips sealed and though it seems challenging at the time, chances are you'll be more thankful come morn.

xoxo
- Jenny Jen

The Double Date

You've finally met the man you want to settle down with (lucky guy!) and you're relieved that you are no longer in the dating pool. You think back in your very distant memory, as you play a montage of all the first dates you've overcome in your lifetime. You can't help but laugh at a few; the awkward silences, the ill-advised jokes, the reaching for the bill and pseudo-arguing about who pays for it, the over-the-top 'dress to impress' outfits, and the sitting by the phone waiting for it to buzz/ring (even after a sub-par date) in hopes of some ego boosting. Well stress no more now that you're as happy as can be in your love nest with Mr. New Guy. You breath in a sigh of relief, knowing you'll never have to endure another first date again, and can file that reel away in the archives. Or so you thought.

'So and so is dying to meet you' he says enthusiastically as he lists the names of all his conveniently coupled-off friends. Suddenly, you are stricken with the horror as you can't help but relate this idea of meeting of the friends to yet another first date. There are just too many similarities to ignore: You want them to like you and think you're pretty and funny and sweet and smell good. You want them to laugh at your jokes and be impressed by your knowledge and think you're charming and just perfect for their friend. You want to have a killer outfit and a killer attitude, yet you can't help but fear your insecurities, the grilling, judgements and after-double date reports, oh my!

As boyfriend is glowing with this new notion of showing you off, you are sitting in sheer deer-in-headlights fear. As you rack your brain on what to wear, what to say and how many drinks you'll have to have before said date commences, he doesn't even bat his eyelashes. Well worry not my blonde, bronzed, twentysomething rockstar. You will absolutely kill it so long as you act yourself, follow your instincts, and see this meet and greet as nothing more than an opportunity to bond with the people most important in your man's life.

It's common to worry in somewhat excitement/somewhat nervous anticipation for the date. The typical thing us ladies do is get the run down from our significant other on the couple we're about to meet with. 'What do they do? What are they like? Anything I should be aware of?' It's as if we are getting the rundown so we can prep our conversation starters in case the awkward silence comes about.

Chemistry

Once we get to the double date, it's easy to tell off the bat whether there is any chemistry with the other couple. If there is, you're in the clear. There's nothing more reassuring then finishing up a first double date, and someone mentions extending the date and going to another venue for drinks and/or dessert. This is clear indication that you're in my friend! Good work!

Laughter

There is nothing more fulfilling then seeing your friends fall in love with your man. The first laugh that comes from the other couple in response to a joke your date made is equivalent to having just downed a glass of bubbly. It takes off the edge and is exhilarating at the same time, like all other firsts. So if you make his friends smile, it's no different. Make your man proud!

Can I see you again?

With all the technology we have these days, the three day rule has gone in the gutter. Don't be surprised if your man gets a text from the other party commenting on how the date went, requesting to do that again soon. Once again, a message like this means you're as golden as your locks.

Here are some images of some of our favourite celebrities, who have hopped on the double dating bandwagon:

Why is He Not Psychic?

For the past few days, the obvious chatter on everyones pouty little lips has been 'Valentines Day'. Valentines Day Topics:

- What do you plan on doing?/What did you do?
- Do you plan on giving a present?/What did you get?
- What are you doing to woo your Valentine/Were you wooed?

Most of us romance-chasing girls out there want our man to 'just know' what we want him to do for us. To just know. We like to think that he is so head-over-heels into us and pays attention to every-little-thing we say/do/hint, that he should just know exactly what to do to make us happy. The Just Know Clause is a very tricky clause, putting men across the nation, in the doghouse . The idea of the Just Know Clause alone conjures images of men having to sleep on the couch for the night. 'No nookie for you, you un-psychic creature you,' we think to ourselves, angry at his inability to read our minds.

Want to put this Just Know Clause to an end? Next time your partner-in-crime asks you what you want for Valentines Day/Birthday/Anniversary, consider having him enrol in a 'How to Read Your Girlfriends Mind 101' course. How perfect will that make every occasion after he learns the in's and out's of you?

Wouldn't that be nice? A course like this would stop you from having to say 'Nothing's wrong', when he asks you 'What's wrong, babe?' when it is so very clear to him/everyone else/you that something is in fact wrong. It will also stop him from asking you another five times, each time with you respond 'nothing' making it so obvious you're pissed at him and getting more pissed by the second since he isn't reading your mind to know what the hell is wrong! Well my little drama queen, as much as you want him to read your mind/pull a Mel Gibson in 'What Women Want,' just think about how to train him to do just that.

Train him, yes, you read that right. Welcome to an adult relationship. You're a twentysomething now, so instead of wishing he would just know, how about you take a big step in your thigh-high boots (so hot right now) and tell him how you really feel. Think about how happy you get when your man is happy. Wouldn't you want him to tell you what makes him happy and the little things that would wow him. Now give the guy some credit babycakes because he likely wants to do the same from you.

So next time your knight and shining armour asks you what you want to do for Valentines Day/Birthday/Anniversary or just on a date night, think back to this blog and use that voice of yours to express honesty. Don't take offence to him asking, instead embrace it knowing that his sole intention for asking is your happiness (cue the 'awwww'.) Tell him what you have in mind and I sure as hell hope it's not a trip to Paris for crepes or a fireworks display. Ladies it's ok to dream a little, but let's not let shows like The Bachelor and the stories we read about it romance novels (so what if I read them?) get to your head. At the end of the day, it's the time you share that makes it special. But if you have special requests (like flowers, just saying...)be sure to just let him know. A night on the couch for him means no anything for you.

- Jenny Jen

Post Valentines Day

John Mayer, you've done it yet again. On behalf of all Torontonians out there, from the bottom of my sometimes empty heart, thank you. Thank you for giving my lady friends something to look forward to and making Valentines Day plans for every male in the city easy as can be. You're a life saver.

I know there were a handful plus of my gentlemen friends who had no idea what to do/how to plan for their special someones. From romantic restaurants to couples massages, they couldn't come up with a seemingly satisfactory plan for their lady partner. And who can blame em? Us blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings have the most unreasonable of expectations. Eg: 'How about we go to Chanel and check out the purses.' Or there's the 'Tiffany's is open on Sunday's now baby, why don't we go in there?'

So we wish and we fantasize about what Valentines Day means to us, but while we are flirting with disaster, we are truly setting up the man in our lives to disappoint. This unfair precedent is the very reason why the men in Toronto fear the day of love. That was, up until John-fuckin-Mayer released his concert listing.

So I didn't go to the concert, but I was offered tickets which I kindly rejected. However, all my coupled up girlfriends did in fact go to the show and I can't help but appreciate how brilliant this concert was. You hear more so than not that women tend to set the bar high and are often disappointed on Valentines day when their partners fail to meet their over-the-top expectations. With a crooner like JM and all his celebrity/paparazzi/Perez Hilton coverage to boot, girls go gaga for this romanticish, sometimes out spoken, single songwriter. So when your man tells you he's taking you to the show, I can guarantee you think he's as sweet as can be and he definitely gets points.

Now down to why I said no, down to my rejection: Valentines day is a day for lovingness and one-on-one time and a time to embrace your partner. So yes, I suppose listening to John Mayer sing his little heart out could've been sweet, and sure me and my date could've swayed back and forth to the tunes pseudo-lovingly projected on us all, but I chose against it to have a more intimate Valentines day. But I tales of love were expressed to me following the sold-out show. As I was busy sitting at dinner eating my meal, my women friends were at the concert eating it up.

The thing is John Mayer, no one went home on February 14th feeling let down or feeling like a cheap date after your show. Instead, my friend (if I may call you that, John), people were impressed and enamoured by you. And no, I'm not just referring to us blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings out there.

xoxox

- Jenny Jen

Valentines Day

Welcome to a day where pink and red reign supreme. Where everything is heart shaped, including your pasta noodles. A day where love is in the air for us coupled up cuties, as we sit back and bask up this complete and utter happiness with our plus one. And as we are here doodling hearts on paper and glowing in valentines day galore, we catch - at the corner of our eye - a table of bitter blonde, bronzed, twentysomethings, polishing up yet another bottle, as they give us the evil eyes that say nothing but 'i hate you.'

Love them or hate them, couples are everywhere on valentines day. Restaurants, bars and movie theatres are filled with partners holding hands and gazing lovingly at one another. Some people say 'It's just a Hallmark holiday,' however I think it's much more than that and question if people say it as a defence, when deep down they know they would love nothing more than to experience the day to its fullest.


Sure February 14th tends to be somewhat cliche. You get chocolates and flowers and perhaps perfume and/or jewellery. You go for a nice dinner and you hold hands and ogle at your partner just a little bit more than usual. But cliche isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's actually quite pleasant to go to a 'go to' Valentines day spot like - for us Torontonians - the CN Tower. It opens your love-stoned eyes and brings awareness that there are so many other couples out there who are just like us. Everyone exuberates this love buzzed radiance on this day...well, not everyone.

For my spicy little single readers out there, I haven't forgotten about you. Don't go pulling your beautiful, blonde hair out of frustration just yet. Sure, you can do the single cliche thing and sit in your pyjamas all day while eating yet another tub of Chunky Monkey or Cherry Garcia, while watching a Sex in the City marathon and tearing up everytime you see Charlotte being all lovey dovey and traditional. But I just won't allow it. So put that spoon down and wipe your mascara rimmed eyes and trade your Victoria Secret flannel's for a push up bra and an LBD. Feeling suddenly motivated? Here are some things you can do to more than get by with your day. In fact, perhaps you may just be having more fun then the couples that make you sick to your stomach.

Valentines Day Potluck Dinner: Invite your friends for an impromptu potluck dinner. Since you don't have a guy to wine you and dine you, take matters into your own hands. The good thing about the last minute dinner is that there will be no time for your friends to cook and they'll have to get store bought items. Be sure to give everyone a category, so you don't have 5 trays of hummus and pita. The kicker will be that everyone will have to wear red, pink, and white. There's no reason to do an anti-valentines day thing and pretend you don't like it. Instead, embrace it, get cheesy and be sure to tell a few people to make an LCBO run.

Bar Ho-fo-sho: Your hot single so soak it up toots! Grab a few of your fellow single babeilicious buddies together, get all dolled up and do a pub crawl. Bars and resto-lounges tend to offer a special girly drink on the menu on Valentines day. Have one of these drinks at each spot you go to. Think a 'Valentini' or a 'Cupid's kiss' or if they don't have these options, play up the valentines day theme and order one or all of the following shots: Sicilian Kiss (amaretto and southern comfort), Blow Job (Kahlua, Bailey's, whipped cream topper), or a Slippery Nipple (White Zambuca, Bailey's.)

Blissful Bubble Bath Babe: If the push-up bra and LBD isn't for you, why not treat yourself to a relaxing bubble bath with some bubbly. I suggest a bubble bath such as 'Calm One Calm All,' by Soap and Glory. This relaxing bubble bath will allow you to soak in luxury and calm that pretty little mind of yours. This bubble path is light pink and acts as a moisturizer as well. As for bubbly, might I suggest 'Pink,' which is a $12 bottle you can find at an LCBO near you. Play some Bob Marley from your iPod and take the day to spoil yourself.


If you haven't already figured it out, I'm a full blown girly girl. Yes I put a heart over my I's and yes my room is pink and yes, my ice trays at home are x's and o's. So it must come us no surprise to you that yes, I absolutely, positively love love love valentines day. Cupid definitely hit me with his arrow when I was but a baby blonde and now in my twentysomethings I still find pleasure in this day. It just seems as though it's the most positive, pleasant day. A day for love? What could be better? Chocolates, flowers and perfume, oh my! Whether I've been single or in a relationship I've always celebrated this day. So let's not sulk in the corner. Let's embrace this day and not fall into the category of people who stay in and go to bed early on New Years Eve, or those who don't celebrate their birthday. Whether you spend today with your partner (lucky them!), your family or your friends, it's a day to put on your rosy shade goggles and see the world in pretty-in-pink perfection.

Happy Valentines Day my little love bugs.

xoxox
- Jenny Jen

The Bachelor

Every Monday I get ready to tune in to trashy television. Television that seems comparable to the trashy tabloids I simply can't resist. The show that takes up two precious hours every Monday, is none other then 'The Bachelor'. Oh, why do I love it so? Well for starters, I bet it comes as no surprise, but I secretly always wanted to star on this hit TV show. When else would it be ok to date 25 different men? When else would I get to go on elaborate and over-the-top dates that are so unrealistic they are almost sexy in themselves? Maybe it's cocky, call it what you will, but I always thought I'd make for good TV.


I've taken some time to think what my audition tape would look like. I thought it would be great to talk to loves lost, and former flames and get their take on why they think I'd be the best bachelorette. Needless to say, I think we'd hear many interesting stories and I sorta, kinda have a feeling that these former flames to which I've referred to would just love a chance to get into the inner works of my keep-you-on-your-toes mind (via voiceovers but of course).

I love the notion of dating. This idea that if you hang out with different people, go on different dates and get to know one another, you can eventually - through trial and error - find your mate. Though I've had a couple of long term relationships, I've never shied away from the dating process once the former has run its course. And my experiences have been quite memorable to say the least. Being a writer and all, I'd love to write a twentysomething dating memoir to share all the various types of men and various situations that have come my way. Can we say 'page turner' much? It is so interesting to just be you, and the you that you are is considered unique and exclusive to others.

I've been told by dating partners that I'm mysterious. I've also been told I have this 'je ne sais quoi'. Having said that, I have no idea what they mean, since I'm just being me. I watch Jake, the current bachelor on the show who is down to his four final femme fatales, and I wonder, are other women who used to date Jake watching, suddenly learning how he operates? And who is right for him now? Oh the ways' of proximity. This idea that if we put 25 people of one sex in a room opposite of one good-looking and charming person of the opposite sex, then love will be found and love will be had.

Don't get me wrong, though I love the show and am whole heartedly entertained, there are absolutely times where I need to look away from the screen out of sheer embarassment for the girls vying for Jake's attention. At times the show seems as desperate as the girls hoping to find love and their happily ever after in mere weeks, but yet again, we all love a good love story.

This current season is about the nice guy and flirts with the cliche 'Do nice guys finish last?' Well they may just so happen to finish last, they may not, but either way, this season is a tad less exhilarating then seasons past. At the end of the day, we turn on our TV to learn tricks of the dating trade and be entertained. This show needs an edgy, confident woman that - though she is looking to find her One - she can still have fun, be herself and push the envelope.

- Jenny Jen

What's in a name?

Dating used to be much more concise back in the day. Listen to stories from your parents about how they met, or furthermore from your grandparents, and it all just sounds so brilliantly easy. They would meet, hit it off, 'go steady' and that was that. Sounds all well and good, but us 21st century twentysomethings don't have it as easy. With terms such as 'dating', 'hooking up', 'seeing each other', 'kicking it casual', 'an item', etc., it's no wonder we're all roaming around uncertain of our 'title' with our current partner.

The dreaded talk. It goes something like: "Where do we stand? Are we in an open relationship? Seriously, are you sleeping with other women? So then you certainly don't mind if I sleep with other men, right? Will you commit to me? Why aren't you buying me fancy dinners and only calling me at 3am? Why are you receiving my delivered blackberry messages and not responding?' It's a talk where - though we may not directly ask these questions - we tip toe around them, wanting so badly to know what the other person thinks of us and where they see "this" going.

Well girls, let's make no mistake of it. If we open our eyes and ears and see the relationship (or 'fakelationship' if you will) for what it is, chances are you already know. Yet despite this, us overly-analytical does-he-or-doesn't-he like me/want me/want me-and-me-only kind of thinkers can't let things just be. So we - after much rehearsing - get up the nerve to ask him the dearly dreaded question, where do we stand? Poor guy.

To our surprise, said guy tends to respond with a title. A title which we wish we had a dating dictionary for because we just have no idea what in the world this title means. And no, it's not because we are blonde. Each term sounds just the same as the next and after countless hours whining and debating with our besties in regards to what the title provided to us means, we still have no clue.

Fret no more my curious cuties. I have composed the overly recited titles that we hear uttered from our partners mouths, and will give you a straight up definition in pure Jenny Jen style. Stop sweating and start realizing what he means when he tells you what you guys are.

Defining Dreaded Titles

Hooking up:

Sleeping with each other, fooling around, no strings attached. You and this kinky carnivore are just having your cake and he is eating too. The hooker-uppers of the world want it when they want it and don't plan on bringing you as a date to a friends wedding anytime soon. No matter how many times you go down on this guy, rest assured, you won't change his mind. Hate to break it to you sweet cheeks, but the guy who refers to your sac sessions as "hooking up" see's no future and won't be sending you roses this valentines day. (And don't be surprised if he ignores your calls in and around that date).

Seeing Each Other:

A step up from hooking up. It usually involves some dates here and there too (not too shabby). This guy is in a fairly casual relationship with you. To him it is nice and easy - he is as minimalistic as he can get away with. He isn't being over the top, just does what he can to get by to ensure he can get in (so to say). Wink wink.

Dating:

You lucky little devil you. This guy is either testing out the waters to see if you are relationship material, or he's lonely and wants a pretty face (and perhaps a nice rack) to look at while out for dinner, at a bar or at other date-like venues, (fill in the blank with your venue of choice.) Either way, this guy and you go on set dates. He calls you up at the beginning of the week, you make a set plan and he wines you and dines you as you chat the night away trying to get to know each other under the surface. And yes, after the date you are allowed to go back to his place. But take it slow with the dater. This guy likes your company and isn't going anywhere. Let things happen naturally with the dater and be open to the potential of a future. If you are looking for a relationship, dating is a good title uphold.

Official:

If you and your man are official, he's telling everyone. No seriously honey, everyone. From his parents, friends, and work colleagues, to the gas station attendant who fills his car to his barber to well - anyone who will listen. He wants to make it known that you are his other half and would scream it on top of the mountain if there was one close enough. Once you are official, you are at a point where you see a future together. You're committed to each other sexually, and mentally as well. The official relationship status is also known as 'going out' and/or 'boyfriend and girlfriend.' But just because you two have now declared your infatuation with one another to the world, don't drop the ball. Relationships takes work, and you're up to bat.

- Jenny Jen

Garage Sale Sally

I want you to think back (in that pretty little head of yours) to a time you'd rather forget. A time where a decision the night prior seemed worth it at the time, when you didn't know what was yet to come when you opened your eyes in someone elses bed. A time that - from there on in - taught you to not ever go home with a boy again, for fear of complete and utter embarassment. A time that epitomizes the Walk of Shame. Now as you sit there cringing of the unknown that was, I will promise you that you are not alone and there is definitely another blonde, bronzed, twentysomething out there whose experience is worse than yours.

Meet my friend, who - for the sake of this tale - will be referred to as Garage Sale Sally. Oh yes, that happened. A night on the town led her to the palace of love, some guys kingdom. And no wonder it was such a nice place, the one-hit wonder still lived at home with his parents. In their basement nonetheless. So when she woke up in the morning, she was relieved to find out her night time boy toy just so happened to have a walk out basement. Check. It couldn't be easier, so she thought. She confidently slipped out the door downstairs, and walked along the side of the house to the front. As Garage Sale Sally walked down the side of the house she heard quite the chatter for a Saturday morning in the suburbs. As she made her way to the front of the house, her jaw dropped (yet again). It just so happened that there was a garage sale going on at the house she was trying to sneak out of. And let me tell you, wearing a side-boob showing dress that should in actuality be classified as a shirt, just doesn't blend in. Needless to say I'm sure there were a few middle agers wishing Garage Sale Sally was an item up for grabs.


So there you have it. Yes walking downtown in the early a.m. in a pair of heels and oversized sweats sure as hell is embarrassing, but as we've learned here today, it could be worse.

What is the worst walk of shame experience you've had? We complain about it time and time again, and I used to always keep a pair of runners and lulu lemons at an on-again-off-again ex's place as a 'just in case' , but is it that bad? And do we have it worse or better than guys?

Nothing like an impromptu morning after breakfast after a night at your place, and running into people you saw at the club the evening prior. "Hey buddy - nice shirt...Isn't that the same one you were wearing last night?" a loud-mouth so obviously states in front of an unassuming group of people.

- Jenny Jen

My Song

So although I love to rant and rave about the latest happenings in my life in an I'm-your-bestie-on-a-phone-call-with-you conversational tone, I also write some deeper stuff in a format - though more intimate - quite different. The following are lyrics to a song I wrote and aptly titled 'My Song'. I'm excited to share my work with you and I invite you to stay tuned to the recorded version, which is currently in process. I will update you rest be sure, upon its release.

My Song

Listening closely, to the lyrics in your song
They're all about me, what I've done wrong
Left you no choice, alone, to blame
Left you standing there, then listened to your pain

How was I to know, that your love would pause?
That you'd be caught in a daze, that you'd suffer such a loss?
Because although sad, that an ending had arrived
I shrugged my shoulders, I had already cried
See as one door closes, another opens wide
It was time to walk in, head held high in stride.

It's you and six strings
the only ones you now play
No pulling, just strumming
It comes free this way

It's you and your chords
not us, just you
It's you and your guitar
savour your music
rewritten truths

My feet they tap, to the beat of your heart
As your voice blares out, your tone rattles me apart
Your guitar you strum, as intense as you can
For the bridge you sing, you'd jump off of if you can

It's you and six strings
the only ones you now play
No pulling, just strumming
It comes free this way

It's you and your chords
not us, just you
it's you and your guitar
savour your music
rewritten truths

As the instrumental chimes in, we hear the violens play
And your fans commend you, for the talent you display
For your tears, they cheer
For your heart break, they endear
You struggle to pick up the pieces, their pleasure is your fear

It's you and six strings
the only ones you now play
No pulling, just strumming
It comes free this way

It's you and your chords
not us, just you
it's you and your guitar
savour your music
rewritten truths